Manifestation Amidst Life’s Lowlights
My life really got flipped upside down at the end of 2019. Which is fitting, since my word for 2019 was surrender… and boy, did I really have to let go and surrender! Because of this, I feel all kinds of feels now about “highlight reels” and only posting our highlights on social media. Graduations, birthday parties, engagements, weddings, vacations, promotions, accomplishments, having babies, family photos, etc are what most people post… and I’m super guilty of posting mostly just the good stuff, too. Overall I believe it’s extremely important to be mindful of how posting only our highlights might make others who are struggling feel, which is something I rarely considered before. But now that I’ve been through a gut wrenching breakup (more on that later), my perspective has changed. And gosh, has it been painful to see everyone’s highlights lately! Especially about engagements, weddings and relationships. I’ve had to grieve and say goodbye to a LOT of things these past two months…
Because of this, I committed myself to post more “lowlights” and struggles in my life… because it’s real, authentic, and vulnerable; which are all things I highly value. And it’s very much needed. It helps balance out social media, the way it’s used, the content posted, the “norms” and helps demolish this perfectionistic social standard that is so incomparable to real life and how things truly are. We must break down stigma. We must challenge convention and norms within ourselves and society as a whole. And one way to break this toxic cycle is to put a stop to only posting our highlights. To be more real, honest, unfiltered, with no-makeup and no edits… Of course, we must create appropriate boundaries, as to not overshare, as people must earn the right to hear our story, as Brené Brown frequently states; especially the most vulnerable parts. And of course, we must be in a good place emotionally and mentally with our story before we share.
This blog post shares a little about me / what’s going on in my life, and how I wholeheartedly believe that we can STILL harness the Law of Attraction to manifest our intentions / desires and feel good, despite what lowlights we have going on in our external circumstances. Whether it’s SAD (seasonal affective disorder), anxiety, grief / loss, a breakup, losing a job, or any other difficulty.
But first, a bit about me…
I’m Dani. I’m 30 years old, and I’m an empath, HSP, INFP and an Enneagram type 4 (wing 3). My background is in mental health (I’m a marriage and family therapist / LCMFT) with a specialty in trauma / EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). I also have training in Equine Therapy, Heart Centered Hypnotherapy, Gottman method, Yoga (RYT 200) and am an ordained Shamanic Priestess. I am super passionate about helping others / being of service, spirituality, and being in alignment with my soul. My dharma (life purpose) is to work with women who have been impacted by trauma and help them journey towards healing with the ultimate destination of self-love. I feel very blessed to be on this path and know my life purpose, especially at my age.
Like most therapists and healers, I’ve had my own history of trauma. I won’t get into the details now, but there was a series of traumas that lasted from about age 3 until now (so most of my life). It was finally in grad school that I started to feel ready to dive into healing via therapy and EMDR. EMDR saved me and I immediately knew I had to get trained in it to help others. (For anyone who’s experienced EMDR, you know how magical it is!)
I’m currently going through the biggest heartbreak of my life.
Despite all of my trauma history (AND blended family drama my ex and I have been through over the past 3 years), our life was pretty damn good / dreamy. My partner and I traveled the world together… got engaged on a beach in Anguilla… I got to ride and own (3) horses… we went skydiving… we went and did Ayahuasca together… we did tons of yoga and hiking… I got to spend tons of time with his 2 amazing kiddos… and we got to grow, dream together, love each other, and live such a blessed, incredible life. Until a couple of months ago… the fairytale came crashing down. My fiancé and I called off our engagement and our wedding right before Thanksgiving. We were together for almost 4 years and were supposed to get married this upcoming summer. This was (and still is) one of the biggest shocks of my life. I thought we were going to get through all of our blended family struggles and come out stronger together. But sometimes love isn’t enough. Losing him / our relationship / his kids has been the MOST painful and difficult thing I’ve ever been through in my life. He is my first love… the love of my life. Not to mention how much I absolutely love, miss and adore his children… I’ve been in a stepmom role for the past 3 1/2 years… It’s been overwhelming to say the least and has definitely activated some anxiety and depression within me. I’ve been completely heartbroken and I have A LOT to grieve. But, with great heartbreak, comes great healing. Just the past couple of months has activated a ton of healing, growth, alignment and hope for the future.
The blessings // positives // and how to use those to catapult your spiritual path of Awakening and Manifestation!
To not go into too many details, this blended family / stepmom experience has most definitely been the CRAZIEST, most frustrating, stressful situations I’ve ever been in! All of this has challenged me SO much, to say the least, in so many ways… It challenged our relationship and both of us individually, down to our core. ALL of my old traumas / especially my bullying experiences resurfaced and came flooding back. Negative relationship patterns came to the surface as well.
I truly believe those who choose to take on a stepmom role are being led down a path of spiritual awakening. All of this has catapulted me on the craziest, coolest, most incredible spiritual path and for that, I’m so grateful! I got the opportunity to heal my wounds even deeper, and peel back the layers of the onion more than ever before. The crazy thing is that I had never felt more spiritually aligned and sure of my purpose and path right before the breakup. I had finally set boundaries I needed to emotionally protect myself from stress (which I should have done so long ago). So now, I am working hard on balancing my grief / honoring my emotions AND at the same time increasing my faith / trust in the Universe and feeling good so I can increase my vibration and attract good things / manifestations and abundance into my life.
I know that’s where I went wrong the last few years, and is the biggest regret I have. I let myself spend way too much time focusing on the negatives / what was going wrong and this extremely negative / stressful story replayed over and over–which just attracted more stress and conflict into our life. I totally helped create my own reality, and it turned into such a vicious cycle. I wish I had spent more time in gratitude and appreciation for all we had / what was going right and all of our blessings. I wish I was able to shake off the bullshit, let go of control and surrender. Don’t get me wrong…it’s not like I was never there. Most days I was positive, grateful and appreciative, and I knew how lucky and blessed we were. AND at the same time it was way too easy for me to get triggered and flip right back into the negative spiral / rumination / anxiety / worry / future tripping, etc. I was often out of alignment with myself and with love. Our life was blessed with SO much beauty and abundance… It still is. And I just wish I had lived there more often… and there’s nothing like losing so much / people you love to kick your ass into realizing what’s important and not taking it for granted!
So I’ve committed to never letting myself go there again. To never let my external circumstances impact my own happiness and peace.
I am CHOOSING to feel Grateful.
We all have a choice of how we want to feel. We may not think we do, but we always do every. single. day. Would you rather feel sad and angry about something in the past? Or would you rather feel grateful and appreciative of it? Would you rather feel fear or would you rather feel love? We get to choose the story we tell ourselves. We get to choose what we believe and we have the ability to rewrite the story and rewire our brain. We always have the choice to learn, grow, forgive and surrender.
In order to feel good and increase my vibration, I am choosing to feel gratitude and appreciation for our relationship, our family, our time together, and all the lessons learned–instead of feeling sadness, anger and hurt. Yes, there is still much sadness there, but love and gratitude is becoming more and more dominant as I choose it again and again.
I am grateful we are still getting along and are friends. I have the utmost respect for him as a person and as a father. I still love him and miss him (and his kiddos) terribly… I am so grateful to have met them and to know them. And so grateful for all of the experiences, adventures, beautiful memories, lessons, growth and healing… AND I know deep down this was all meant to be. It all happened for a reason. It’s all working out perfectly. And the Universe has a plan much bigger than I could have ever imagined or planned for myself! And if we are meant to be together, we will be…
I know I am being guided, and I am surrendering and letting go now more than ever. I know that’s what the Universe wants me to do… what the Universe wanted me to do this whole time. To let go of control, surrender, go with the path of least resistance, have faith and trust and of course, have fun… I know what I’m meant to do and feel so clear and called towards some exciting projects that have downloaded from all of this. I know my story will help others heal and not feel so alone… and to not make the same mistakes I made. For all the almost-stepmoms out there who don’t have a support group to grieve their almost stepchildren and almost stepfamilies… for everyone and anyone who has been through the traumas I’ve been through…for all the parents and stepparents who have gone through divorce and blended family struggles… and then of course, finding a spiritual path towards self-love, healing, getting back in alignment with your soul, and finding / following your dharma.
My Challenge to You.
I challenge you to post a lowlight on your social media account. You can get as vulnerable as you want. Hashtag #LowlightChallenge and tag The Centered Self or (me) Dani Ashley soul on fire. If you see someone’s highlight and it brings up difficulty / struggle within you, I challenge you to send them light and love. For they are showing you what you desire, and you can have it too! Get out of scarcity mindset, and into an abundance mindset.. There’s more than enough to go around! The more we can send others love and light when they have the things we want, the sooner we can attract and manifest them into our own life.
I also challenge you to change your story about something you’ve struggled with or are currently struggling with. Change your thoughts about it, change your beliefs, change how you look at it and change how you feel about it. Because you will ALWAYS find evidence for whatever it is that we believe. And we will only attract more of what we believe and focus on. If we truly believe someone is a horrible person, and focus on how greedy, selfish and bad they are (i.e. their faults)… we WILL find evidence of that. Even if it means bending reality by over-exaggerating, lying to ourselves and making things up. If we focus on how kind, generous and good someone is (i.e. their good qualities)… we WILL find more evidence of that. We attract what we focus on. It’s the law of the Universe. We create our own reality. We can turn anything into a self-fulfilling prophecy or an other-fulfilling prophecy depending on how we treat them and the vibes we put out there. We receive whatever it is we put out. Would you rather create a loving reality? or a fear-based one? I know which one I choose.
I’d love to hear from you.
Let me know if you participated in either or both of these challenges in the comments below. And let me know if you relate to anything I mentioned above, such as going through lowlights or difficulties in your life and how you are getting through it. And as always, I look forward to connecting and going deeper with you. Sending much love, healing, and centering.
P.S. I have a new Unit in our private group all about Manifesting Even Amidst Life’s Lowlights // SAD—where each week I post a video or resource. This topic also directly connects with our current book club book ✨Super Attractor✨ by Gabby Bernstein, all about taking back our power to start attracting more of what we want! Join us for our quarterly book club, or just come on in for the Units, resources and supportive community. Link to join right here.