Breakups: Rejection is Redirection + Time to Clean Up Your Vibe
My life has most definitely NOT gone as planned (and whose life has?!) I never thought I’d be where I’m at right now, post-breakup, when I thought I was getting married 4 months from now… All of that came crashing down about 2 1/2 months ago.
When things don’t go as planned, we may experience rejection or resistance from others, ourselves, and the Universe at large. I was extremely resistant to this new reality at first. We often interpret these blocks as negative, bad, and stressful. We get caught up in fear, anxiety, control, ego, scarcity mentality and victimhood. We think “Why me?! This is so unfair. This wasn’t supposed to happen!” I know I went there at first.
However, when we get stuck in these emotions and mindsets, we fail to see the positive and beauty in the “rejection”. Maybe it’s for the greater good, part of the bigger picture that we just can’t see right now…? maybe the timing wasn’t right..? or it wasn’t meant for you…? or it just wasn’t meant to be long-term? and it’s leading us to something bigger and better than we could have ever dreamed of for ourselves! We need to practice flipping the script to see this rejection / block as redirection and protection instead. To trust and have faith in the Universe, and the guidance it’s giving us even if we can’t see the good yet.
Over the past two months, I’ve been able to list numerous reasons why I’m so grateful to be where I’m at right now. How much I’ve learned and grown from the challenges that were presented the past few years in this relationship, and especially the last few months post-breakup. And I wasn’t able to see that when I was in the thick of pain, grief, sadness and anger. I trust now that when something doesn’t work out the way I planned, it’s because there’s something far greater in store for me.
“All the resistance that we receive along the way isn’t rejection, it’s guidance. Choosing this perspective will help us dissolve our fear of rejection and things not working out.”-Gabby Bernstein
I know how heavy grief is. AND I also know that it’s an incredible opportunity for deep deep healing, self-love, and spirituality. And with choosing a spiritual path comes the opportunity for getting in alignment with ourselves and our higher purpose. A really big part of all of this is surrendering and letting go of control!
Letting Go of the Past / Your Ex
I know firsthand how difficult breakups are. They’re one of the most difficult, painful things (besides losing someone through death, of course). Yet, it’s a similar grief, saying goodbye to someone you love and to your relationship, (their children if they have any), your home, your future together, and all your hopes and dreams. It’s a lot. Here are a few tips and tricks that have helped me let go – for both short-term and long-term grieving.
- Allow yourself to surrender to a higher power (whatever you call it) & let go of control. Know that you’re not meant to do this alone. You always have support and guidance from Source / The Universe.
- Realize that you don’t always know what’s best for you or what you need. You may think you do, and that’s usually the ego talking. Trust that the Universe has a plan for you far greater than what you could ever plan for yourself. This has proven to be true time and time again in my own life.
- Let yourself FEEL your feelings. Feel them in your body and send them love– this will set you free!
- Notice the feelings – what feelings are there and where do you feel them in your body?
- Allow for them – give yourself permission for them to be there and to feel them. Don’t try to get rid of them.
- Create Space – give yourself emotional, mental, physical space to give them attention. Put on comfy clothes, get some hot tea, light a candle, and get as cozy as possible. You may even mentally visualize space around that area in your body.
- Send love – to wherever it is you feel tension / tightness in your body.
- Repeat – do this as often as you can, despite how uncomfortable it may be. Even if it’s just for 30 seconds at a time. The pain / tension may increase, decrease or change in some way when you do this. Be patient, and you will increase your tolerance over time.
- Self-Care: As always, take good care of yourself. I’ve been letting myself get tons of sleep (more than normal). Drinking enough water and hot tea. Eating healthy foods, but also I’ve let myself have some comfort foods as well (Our body tends to crave carb-y foods when we are in grief). If you have a lower appetite like I’ve had, make sure you are still eating enough protein / fat throughout your day. Even if that means drinking more protein shakes and eating more avocados.
- Self-Love: Being kind and loving towards myself has been huge! I’ve been SO proud of myself at how kind and compassionate I’ve been towards myself, and it’s really shown how far I’ve come in my own healing / self-love journey. Empathize with yourself, show yourself you understand and validate yourself and your emotions / experience. I have enjoyed having talks with myself in the mirror that have been SO healing to my inner child!
- Ritual / Ceremony is really nice when there is a big life transition. They also really help with closure. I had a cacao ceremony with my ex to honor and say goodbye to our relationship. This really helped me.
- Create an Altar with items that are meaningful to you and your ex, that represent your relationship. You can even create a ritual around it by lighting candles, smudging it and saying prayers.
- Let your feelings out with creativity. I love to pain, write, journal to express myself. And sometimes I need to punch a punching bag! Let them out physically in any way that calls to you.
- Breakup Movies / TV Shows! These helped me get my feelings out quite a bit. I really loved Sliding Doors, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Fleabag, The Marvelous Mrs. Maizel, Bridget Jones’s Diary and Frozen 2 hit home, to name a few.
- Focus on one small thing a day to help you feel good // have fun. Whether that’s watching a Disney movie, going on a walk, eating your favorite food, listening to music or a podcast, reading a book, spending time with family and friends. Do at least one thing a day that helps distract you so that you feel better. I do want to emphasize: lean on your family and your therapist, if you can.
- Love your ex as much as you can from a distance. Send them love and light whenever you think of them or miss them. Then re-direct your focus on move on.
- Focus on getting into alignment with who you are (your highest self) and with love, and everything you want will come to you. Listening to endless Abraham-Hicks videos on Youtube, including their meditations, has helped me tremendously with this! Especially their videos about breakups.
- Focus your attention on other things. It takes effort and intention to stop thinking of someone / ruminating on the breakup or relationship. But it is possible to shift your focus to other things that bring you joy; especially focusing on a positive vision of the future.
- Don’t focus on action; focus on emotions, shifting thoughts, changing the story (of the relationship / breakup) and getting into alignment with love / your true self (your soul), and your worthiness.
Work on Increasing Your Vibration to Prepare For a New Relationship / Attracting Your Soulmate
This one is BIG, and probably the most important work you will ever do. Especially post-breakup (besides allowing yourself to properly grieve), and to improve current relationships. Our vibe = what we attract. I’ve heard this concept so many times (“our vibe attracts our tribe”), but I didn’t really understand what it meant until I really dug into learning more about the Law of Attraction and the teachings of Abraham-Hicks via their amazing (free) Youtube videos. Since then, I have learned the following:
- Everything is energy and has a vibration. From our food, to our water, to our dog. Our thoughts create our emotions, and our thoughts + emotions is what creates our vibration. Our vibration (what we put out) is what we get back. That’s why our thoughts, beliefs and the story we tell ourselves are all SO powerful.
- If we are constantly anxious, depressed, stressed, in doubt, and in chaos — we will get back more of that whether we want it or not via our circumstances, experiences and relationships. Cleaning up our vibration is imperative if we want to be healthy and have a better life. And we must clean it up ASAP and get in alignment with who we really are, which is pure positive energy full of love, abundance and well-being. This is something we must work on and choose on a daily basis.
- Several ways that I work on this is by practicing every day: journaling, meditating, relaxation, being appreciative, loving and kind towards myself, setting boundaries (keeping out the things / people that lower my vibe), and taking care of myself.
- We MUST be okay with where we are now before we can expect things to shift and to manifest the things we want. You can’t get there (where we desire) from a place of fear / resistance / non-acceptance. That’s a low vibe emotional place, and we must work on our vibe – which isn’t action oriented; it’s thoughts and emotions oriented.
- Find all the feelings you felt in your relationship with your ex (if it was good/healthy) or want to feel in your dream / soulmate relationship – on your own. If you want a relationship because it makes you feel fulfilled, happy, excited, romantic, sexy, wanted, etc. Find a way to feel those on your own internally (regardless of external circumstances) and that will attract your soulmate to you.
- You must create a healthy, happy atmosphere around yourself to keep and maintain happiness and joy despite if you’re in a relationship and regardless of external circumstances. You have to learn how to have fun and feel good anyways. And that’s when you’ll attract everything you ever want. Again, we have to feel it first to receive it (not the other way around).
- When you come in sync (alignment) with who you are, and you don’t need other / situations / conditions / relationships outside of you to change / be different in order to get there and find that place of peace, love and joy, that’s when everything else will fall into place with ease and grace!
- Once you’re there, you won’t miss your ex (or anyone) anymore. It’s a vibrational inconsistency, and when you miss someone or feel incomplete without them, you’re introducing resistance into the situation that will not allow what you want in. What you’re really missing is the way you felt when you were with them, and the connection you had with yourself and source energy when you were with them.
- When you do think of them, send them love and light. Wish them the four loving kindnesses, think of the things you’re appreciative of about them / your relationship. Then move on and focus on a positive vision of the future for yourself. If you notice yourself ruminating on the past, or worrying about the future, practice Gabby Bernstein’s Choose Again Method: notice it, forgive it / yourself, and think of better feeling thoughts.
- Trust the certainty of the well-being that’s naturally flowing. It’s always there, and you can tap into it at any time.
- Measure success by how much fun you’re having!
- Measure your spiritual growth by how you talk to and treat yourself! I have been personally so proud of myself during this breakup of how kind and loving I’ve been towards myself, which is testament to my own healing and growth over the years!
- Feeling good / experiencing joy / having fun are top priorities!
If you’re meant to be together, trust that you’ll end up together. But for now, look at this time as an opportunity to get to know yourself better, get comfortable being single, and work on yourself. Good things are coming to you if you just believe and think happy thoughts! Truly.
Now I’d love to hear from you.
How about you – have you been experiencing any rejection in your life? Have things looked different than what you had originally planned for? Do you now see the redirection / protection / guidance? How do you actively work on increasing your vibration (if this is something you’re previously aware of)? Let me know in the comments below and as always, I look forward to connecting and going deeper with you. Sending much love, healing, and centering.